Then, I turned 31.
I had four boys, Buzz was working as a minister... and I had two children at school...
But I was unhappy with so many things.
Wasn't this always my plan? Weren't things the way I wanted them to be?
My plans hadn't changed all through highschool. This was a plan I held for many many years... in fact - till I was 31! In fact - it was a 23 yr old plan...
But, as my children were going to school, and I was into my thirties, I found myself increasingly dissatisfied with my plan.
And it took me a while - but I realised the problem - my plan had no chapter after having young children at home. It didn't have a 'what next' section. It was a plan that only went up to young children - and as so many of us know - the young children phase is very short. Kids grow, and go to school.
My plan was limited, and I was limited by following this plan. And I felt empty and lost and confused and disappointed.
I didn't know what came next, as I had never thought about it - and I felt old and like I had no identity anymore.