Most men wouldn't think at the end of life: 'I'm glad that my wife and I had such great sex.' Wouldn't they be more likely to say: 'I'm glad I had such a good friend and companion'?
If its true, I wonder how this insight affects the question below. Perhaps a deeper human need than sex is friendship and companionship.
9 comments:
Why do the two have to be mutually exclusive?
I'd love to be able to say both when I'm dying.
Hi Rodeo,
I think I smoothed over my quote. I'll just edit it a little ... from 'sex life' to 'great sex'.
I'm not saying they are mutually exclusive - I'm just asking which one would take center stage in your thoughts. I've never heard anyone in a funeral ever talk about their sex life, but I've heard plenty talk about their life-long companion.
Maybe they were just being discrete and prudish ... but I'm not convinced.
When you re-word it like that, it does make a bit of a difference :)
Great sex is great(obviously), but having a great sex life (with your wife), is, I think, part of the whole deal of having such a great friend and companion.
I also imagine the reason it wouldn't get brought up at funerals is because it's a pretty intimate thing - I wouldn't dare ask you about you and Mrs AB's sex life, and I know you've never asked me about mine :)
Thanks mate. Your comments have really helped me. Sex life is a broad term that does include the relational aspect as well.
I'm trying to think through the perspective of some friends of mine who are not married and would love to be. I'm trying to work it out ... is the solution to dealing with long term singleness more ...
a. finding a way of dealing with
sexuality
OR
b. dealing with the intimacy, friendship issue.
Jesus provides a pattern of a godly man. He finds relationship with his father and with his friends. He does not marry. (Interestingly he is shown to be tempted in many ways - but the Bible doesn't describe him being tempted sexually.) Where is all this going ? I don't know.
Again, perhaps it is both. Or differs by the individual in question.
Some people crave intimacy, some just want a sexual release.
Jesus is never mentioned to have been tempted sexually, but I'm sure it was there (he was tempted in all the ways common to man). It's hard to even think in this area without feeling slightly blasphemous though...
Hi AB,
I had another thought about this - is it possible that the deeper need differs by gender?
(In the general case, obviously some men and ladies are going to differ)
AB I think we also have to acknowledge that even if there is a mixture of great and not such great sex within marriage - we are still called to have self discipline.
Perhaps as a couple exercises self control outside of marriage, once married it is easier to continue self discipline.
Paul also clearly says that if you cannot control your urges, get married...I would say that if a couple was not willing to get married then they should not be getting so close that they find those urges hard to contain!
Greetings one and all
I appreciate Craig's comments ...
I think Rodeo got it right in saying "Some people crave intimacy, some just want a sexual release". Whether inside or outside marriage/ Christian or non Christian - however 'great' the sex is, neither partner should be used as a vending machine to satisfy lust/sexual release!
Anyone can have sex with anyone or anything for that matter ... BUT to share that depth of intimacy where you know someone through and through and they know you the same and you still love each other warts and all - surely that is the ultimate. It seems to make more sense living for that, rather than for your next orgasm! Sex needs to be kept in right perspective (I am not trying to be a kill-joy!). The enjoyment of sex is a beautiful gift from God. But it's a gift that carries responsibilities and should be used properly ie following the Maker's instructions ... which are all summed up in Love ... selfless giving, putting the partner first etc. Viewed that way - it sucks the power out of lust. If as Christians we are to live to please God then that includes behind closed doors. God should not be excluded from any part of our lives including the bedroom.
So, considering all that, I would be very surprised if, putting discretion aside, one's sex life was mentioned at a funeral - not because it would be wrong to mention it - but because the grief was so focussed on the loss of such a profoundly deep and enriched relationship. That's where I would like to think my husband's thoughts would be, as would my thoughts of him.
God bless
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