Thursday, 20 March 2008

Singleness and Sexuality?

Here's a question from a good friend of mine.

If desire for one’s husband/wife is a good gift from God, but lust is sinful (and in danger of sending us to hell), how can single people express their sexuality and desires in a Godly manner?

Any ideas? (beyond get married - they really want to)

5 comments:

Paul said...

Ideas: don't express lust (which I take to be a strong, self-centred, unloving desire) but express your sexuality in a loving manner

lust != expression of sexuality or being merely attracted to the opposite sex

Remember the spirit of the law, not the letter -- sex before marriage is okay if done so lovingly and with faithfulness, you don't need to wait until the honeymoon, although I can appreciate why some people would want to

Unknown said...

Hi Paul. Don't you think the spirit of the law is that sex is for marriage?

Why do you think that the spirit of the law means a lax-er form of the law, rather than a more real and meaningful form of the law?

Paul said...

Can marriage occur before the ceremony? Does the ceremony make marriage? Yes and no, I would say to the questions respectively.

I think the true sense of the law is spiritual and it is a more real and meaningful understanding of the law.

For example, baptism is in one sense a physical act, but its real and meaningful sense in the spirtual, dying to your old self with Christ and being raised anew in spirit with him. Baptism would be meaningless if the person didn't understand what it's all about. That said, I think people can be baptised into Christ without the ceremonial act. Some would disagree, they would say the ceremony is vitally important. So be it, Romans 14!

That said, if the couple have doubts, and I have no idea whether they do or not, perhaps it is better for them to what until the honeymoon, but I don't want to comment on their particular circumstance because I don't know them. I just hope they don't worry. If they believe God has called them together and they want to make love before the marriage ceremony, so be it, I'm not one to judge.

Anonymous said...

hi AB - not sure if you got my earlier comment - maybe you did and decided not to include it ... but on the off-chance it didn't come through - here it is again -
hi there Andrew
Not sure if I understand the question ... Is it a general question relating to how single people with no real prospect of marriage "express their sexuality and desires in a Godly manner"? Or is it a specific question relating to a couple who are not yet married but want to have sex before the wedding day?
In both cases discipline and self control are needed (don't you just hate that!!!)
Would I be correct in saying that as Christians we entered into a non-negotiable contract with God through Christ ie Christ has done all that's required to enable our salvation BUT we have to no longer live to please ourselves rather live to please God/Christ. That may sound a bit cold and clinical, but to put it a bit more upliftingly - God loves us and knows what's best for us, so it makes the best sense to do things His way. Thankfully we also have His gift of ongoing forgiveness (which is not a free ticket to continue doing whatever WE want). So out of love and reverent fear for our Almighty God and Saviour - would not our attitude be that we would only endeavour to do, think, say whatever in accordance with what pleases God. SO - Scripture says fornication doesn't please God so that's that really - no matter how loving, desirous etc the relationship with someone might be. It may be easier said than done, but it must be possible or else God wouldn't expect it ... When it comes down to it - Who do we love more - God, or ourselves??!!
DON'T allow any relationship to get to the borderline of not pleasing God. It doesn't just get out of hand by itself! The term 'making love' is a lie. You don't 'make' love - you live it. Getting to the stage of having sex with someone you say you love but may never marry is NOT love at all. It's giving in to self gratification or submitting to the others pressuring. I don't see anything in Scripture that gives an opening for the expressing of ones sexuality and desires outside of marriage with the opposite sex other than showing love, respect, consideration etc (ouch - that's all rather selfless isn't it!!) Christians struggle with so many temptations and if the hormones are running high - are we to be controlled by them ... or by God - trusting His Word "that no temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." Rather than fight and argue and try and justify ones reasons for giving in to temptation ... don't give the enemy a foothold, don't do yourself and God a disservice, it really isn't worth it. God's Way is best. We need to be continually humble to accept that.
Hope this helps someone ...

Ali said...

I still think it's a good question! The way I understand it is that you're asking how can a single person (not one in a relationship) express their general sexuality (not just their longing for actual sex) - outside the realm of specific temptations etc. I can't recall a particularly good answer to that - for women it tends to be stuff like "you're still fully a woman and can be feminine etc as a single person and respond to men as a female" - and that's about as far as it goes.

Anyway, redundant comment cause I don't have any ideas, but would be interested in some :)...